im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
