I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize