I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Randomize
