Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
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