True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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