No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
He kissed a someone with a penis
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
