I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
