Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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