A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
