yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
