GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Randomize
