If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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