shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
