I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
