fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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