I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
