shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
