how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
