I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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