If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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