I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize