I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
