T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
