Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Randomize