Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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