It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
