Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
50% drunk capacity currently
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
