Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
