i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
