He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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