at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
