I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Randomize
