If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
