i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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