ugly people sure do ruin things
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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