just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
FUCK WHALES
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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