no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
