I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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