Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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