Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize
