My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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