I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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