I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Randomize
