I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
