Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Sorry about my life...
Randomize
