I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
You're like the curious george of whores
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Randomize
