I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
