Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
