i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
