Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
