Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
