Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize