Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
