I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
you traded sex for a burrito?
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I just gift wrapped bread.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Randomize
