Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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