I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
This is classic penis vs brain.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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