My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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