My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
