I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize