i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
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