You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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