We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
