the condom got lost in my hair
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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