His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
