I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
