Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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