He uses pillows to masturbate.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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